2012-12-07 - Oddness in Otherworld: Superboy and the Very Gotham Christmas

It's the beginning of Christmas Season in Gotham. A rare, light cheer is in the air, perhaps due to the light snowfall that glitters the ground, one of the rare dustings as opposed to the later storms that will smother it come the deeper winter. For now, along one of the market districts there's a rare moment of cheer in the citizenry in this mid afternoon pitter-patter. Across from one of the open air malls, a Santa is listening to children tell him what they want for CHristmas.

There is, however, a somewhat sadder undercurrent. As of late in the city several children have gone missing, and no one has been able to find hide nor hair of them. Whatever it is meets none of the usual modus operandi of the familiar Gotham Arkham Inmates. So for now, the citizenry looks out for their own.

Kon's in town on a very special mission. That being dropping off Christmas presents for Tim. How he made it to the Drake house and back dressed like THAT without drawing attention to himself is a question for another time. He's flying low, figuring he can do some good on his way out of the city before Batman has time to fuss at him. At least he's not wearing his Halloween costume.

Back at Thunderbolts headquarters, Harley is sleeping in her bed with the door locked. Well, a Harley-esque figure at least. Okay. It's a blow up doll under the covers with an ipod on repeat with snoring being played out of it. The real Harley snuck out through the air conditioning ducts, stole a car and headed out to Gotham for a 'Christmas Vacation Leave.' She didn't tell Waller. It's better to ask forgiveness than permission.

Speaking of Halloween, Harley heads to one of the doors of one of the houses with a bag. She knocks. When the door opens, she cries out, "Trick or treat!"

The confused man at the door says, "But... it's not halloween. I think you're confused, it's almost Christmas and -"

"I said TRICK OR TREAT!"

The man again argues, "Are you nuts or something? Christmas, not Halloween. You say Merry Christmas. Plus it's not even Christmas yet. But at least that would make more sense than -"

Harley pulls out a gun and points right at his nose, "I said trick or treat dangit! I didn't get to go out for Halloween!"

The man cries out, "aaah! Don't kill me!"

Harley: "TRICK OR-"

The man yells out, "I don't have any candy though! Don't shoot me please!"

Harley pushes him aside, walks in past him and over to his christmas tree, takes off some of the candy canes hanging from it, then walks back out. Then turns and points her gun at the man and fires!

An egg comes out of the gun and hits the startled man on the ground. Harley bows, "oh and feliz navidad." Then she skips off to the next house... where Kon happens to be delivering presents.

A trio of 'Santa's Helpers' look over one of thier lists, going to head along after Harley. One of them shifts to look at the other two, "What would the boss Say?"

A second grunts, "We know what he'd say. /Definitely/ naughty. The mines in Liverpool'd run out of coal long before she got back on the list."

THe third one nods at him, "So, we make our list, and we check it twice."

The first grins, "Because we know who's naughty and nice."

The trio of attired Santa's 'elves' went away from Santa, scurrying on an interception course towards Harley.

The cries of terror get the Kryptonian's attention and he turns in mid-flight, scanning the street below. It's uncertain how one manages to skip suspiciously, but Harley's pulling it off flawlessly. Having not heard a proper gunshot, he simply looks around and flies in closer, stealthy only as long as nobody looks up.

There's a man in a house with an open door. He's on the floor with a splattered egg on his face. Next door, Harley knocks, and calls out. "Trick or treaaaaat!" She pauses when there's no answer, then remembers she's not wearing a costume. Probably why the other guy was stingy with the candy. So she takes out a pair of groucho nose glasses and puts them on. She nods to herself satisfactorily, then knocks again and yells again, "TRICK OR TREAT!"

The trio of elves dressed in Santa's Helper suits scamper over, and then one of them pipes up over behind her, "That's a real juvenile trick there missy." The second one of them, a bit stockier goes on, "And we approve a lot." The third grins up at her, "And you're a naughty girl. A dirty, naughty one."

Harley Quinn turns around and tilts her head. "I thought it was a good trick actually. It's part of the whole shtick. Trick or treat?" She pauses and peers down at them. "Who are you guys anyway? Do you represent the lollipop guild or something?"

Kon hesitates as--are Santa's helpers trying to pick up Harley? Should he even be watching this? Still, he flies lower, Harley not even having to look up to spot him as she turns around to talk to the elves. He just raises a dark eyebrow at the woman, more confused at this point than disapproving.

They grin, "Well, if you want a treat, sure." At this point, they grin, and the first one speaks up again, "Oh, w'ere Santa's Helpers." The second one goes on ,"And we're helping him with his lists." The third winks, "And we know which of them you're on."

All three pull out machine guns, "Merry Christmas." And move to fire!

Harley Quinn quickly puts her hands up with a gulp. "Hey! No need to get touchy! I'm sorry about the munchkin joke! Some of my best friends are vertically challenged! Some are even puppets and - Look - a distraction!!!!" she yells, pointing behind them.

Superboy doesn't even give them the change to not fall for it, landing fast enough to impact with a thud. "Pretty good idea what list you guys are on too," he says, crossing his arms across his chest as he rises to his full height.

The machine gun cocking and firing is interrupted, and two of the elves turn to face Superboy, "Well, you know what they say is thicker than water." The second pipes up, "BLOOD!" And they open fire at Kon-El with machine guns while the third charges in after Harley, intent on drawing out a shiv!

The elves turn to face Kon, the machine guns cocked to point at his chest, "You know what they say is thicker than water, boy. Blood." they grin, "Because her names on a list, we've checked it twice, and we all know that dame's definitely not nice. So we gotta be gunning her down."

Harley Quinn screams, "Aaaah! If I wanted to get shiv'ed by midgets I'd have stayed in Bayonne!"

Wait, what?

Harley jumps through a window into the house so she doesn't have to deal with the shiv-wielding elf. I mean would it be right to kick him in his chestnuts? Would that be a hate crime or something? She's on freaking parole technically! But there's self defense right? Nah she'll just run and hopefully the elf won't chase her with the knife. In the house, there's a christmas tree and stuff like that, though it hasnt been decorated yet, so she runs by it,

Rather than bouncing every which way, or flattening against his chest, the bullets stop as soon as they make contact with the boy of steel, fully formed, only distorted by the heat and forces within the barrel. He tilts his head to one side, watching for a moment before looking back at them, listening to the pitch of the guns change slightly as they eat through the magazine. "Hey!" he calls as he watches the blonde dive through the window.

Rather than change magazines, one of the elves facing Kon curses, "Oh, we'll get you fro that." then, goes to.. Throw the gun at the side of his head! Oh no, his other secret weakness! The elf calls out, "And we all know the other blood you got's gettin' coal from now till Judgemetn Day!" The second elf going to reload his magazine!

Meanwhile, the third elf agilely leapt out the window after Harley, his gun discarded, "Come on blondie, we know where this ends. Play niced, or I'll be showin' you how far the coal can go up the chimney sweep!"

Harley Quinn yells at Kon as she runs after diving through the window to run from the shiv-wielding elf (and whom among us can't say we haven't done that at least once in our lives, right?), "Sorry but my doctor said I need to cut lead out of my diet when it's propelled by gunpowder!" She runs around the Christmas tree, keeping it between her and the knife-wielding elf. "You're really very agile for a little person you know that?" she says between bobbing and weaving to not get stabbed.

Kon starts at that, and some of the bullets fall away, clattering on the floor. Of course, he's not really any less bullet proof beneath the field, but they managed to hit a chord. Breaking his concentration just long enough for the elf to get a second magazine in. The teen quickly turns his head, eyes glowing bright red, the beams of heat visible as they strike the gun in the elf's hands, heating it barrel first.

The gun hit the force field, and likewise bent in, but it gave enough time for the two elves to scatter in opposite directions. The one who had reloaded hissing, twisting to watch the fleeing Harley, "Dammit, there goes our OT!" Scurrying off in one direction, his unarmed compatriot going in another!

Meanwhile as the shiv wielding elf faced off with Harley, "Thanks. I do a lot of crunches, but it takes a lot to keep in shape. Nice of ya to notice, thanks." Chasing her round and round the Christmas tree!

Harley Quinn runs around the tree some more. "Yer welcome, but I just need to say ... oh emm gee! Look another distraction! She points behind him again. Whether he looks behind him or not, she then pushes the tree over on him then reaches for a present to hit him with it. Luckily, the present happens to be a new bowling ball for the father of the house, Henry Ringlin, who just recently had his bowling team hit the top three in his league. Congratulations Henry! And congratulations for choosing the 14 pounder instead of the wimpy 8 or 10 pounders! *thump*

A quick stomp finishes off the gun that bounced off him and Kon's flying after the still armed dwarf/elf/midget/height challenged personage. They're quick for their size, but it's not really a contest and Kon grabs them easily by the back of their shirt and lifts them up off the ground, flying for a nearby rooftop.

What a set of knockers! Harley's distraction doesn't work, but being whammed over on the head with that heavy set of balls sends the misshapen elf sprawling out and over on the ground then, hitting it and rolling several times over. Meanwhile, a child who had been watching burst out into tears, "She just killed one of Santa's Elves! WAHHH!" You win some,you lose some..

Meanwhile, Kon was able to grab the two short and stocky elves then, now no longer with guns, as they were yanked up along towards the rooftop, cursing all the way.

Harley Quinn pauses when the kid starts crying. She looks at the unconscious elf. Then at the tree. Then at the kid, then back to the elf. Then back to the kid. "Ummmm" She thinks for a second while Superboy fights the two other elves outside, then says, "And if you get up to peek on Christmas Eve when Santa comes, we'll whack Rudolph too. Now get to bed, kiddo!"

The kid runs away sobbing, "MOMM! RUDOLPH IS GONNA KILL MEEE!" Running away crying in total fear now. Not quite what she had intended, but the coast was clear! And she was left with a fat lump of a quite heavily armed.. Wow, those ears looked real!

The upset child gets Kon's attention, and the elves might get a little whiplash as the young man quickly accelerates, dropping them onto the roof and making a big U-turn, flying through the open window, quickly looking to the bonked elf, making sure she actually didn't kill them. "She didn't kill him," he says urgently, but the kid's already gone. Superboy turns, shooting Harley a condemning look for her threat. "It's a /kid/."

Harley Quinn pauses as Kon gives the condemning look. Long pause. Then she says, pointing, "Look, yet another distraction!"

As Kon-El went to bolt over towards Harley, leaving the two semi-conscious, bludgeoned and disarmed elves upon the rooftop, up on it there was a loud stench of ozone. Lightning slamming down to it, enchanted words then and a sizzle as the departed elves upon the rooftop suddenly vanished up into thin air then from whence they came.

Crud, not your ordinary looking hit men of short stature. THe bludgeoned elf that had been knocked by the balls by Harley brought up his hands then over as Harley was fleeing then, and Kon was harranguing her, chanting under his breath in Gaellic..

Kon frowns. "Has that ever actually worked?" he wonders, head tilted slightly to one side. Then he hears chanting, and turns around. "He woke up fast," he says, and quickly closes the distance, grabbing for the elf.

Harley Quinn thinks for a while, while the hero does all the real work. "Not really. I figure eventually it will though. I'm an optimist!" She then takes out her cork gun and fires it at the elf's head after Superboy grabs him.

The cork gun hits the elf in the eye, and he lets out a loud, "AUGH!" Right as Kon grabs him. The spell is disrupted, and the stench of ozone is heavy in the air, his beard standing on end like a set of frizzy wires, a poofball. "I always new a damned dirty dame would be the end of me." He grouses.

"Okay, you feel like explaining what the heck's going on," Superboy asks, gripping the elf tightly by the shirt. He takes a look around, and reaches out to grab Harley as well, this grab considerably less aggressive.

Harley Quinn pauses then looks at Superboy. "What in the world makes you think I'd know what's going on?" She looks around. "Obviously Little People, Big World decided to go hard core." She starts to walk past Superboy to the door. "D'oy. Clean up this mess will ya? I got a lot of tricker treating left."

Harley Quinn is still wearing the groucho marx glasses.

The elf, held within the grip of Superboy grinned warpedly, displaying a set of badly treated teeth and foul smelling breath, "Oh, the fat man's not so jolly anymore. He gets nice, year after year, there just get more naughty. So he's decided time to take the kid gloves off. Time to give something a bit more than coal back. After all, he knows when they're sleeping.."

Kon turns to Harley. "You realize you're over a month late, right?" he ask her, and turns to the elf, raising an eyebrow. "So you're telling me that you're one of santa's elves, and Santa's gone rogue?" he asks, raising an eyebrow incredulously before getting in Harley's path. "At /least/ fix their tree," he says to the blonde, attention torn between delinquent and would be assassin thereof. "Earn some nice points."

Harley Quinn stops walking away and turns at the door to listen. "Wait, are you talkin about Santa Claus? I'm on his naughty list?" She starts to walk back over to the elf. "Yknow, he shouldnt be watchin me when I'm sleeping or awake anyway." She pauses. "I'm jewish, moron." Then waits to hear what he has to say to that.

Since yes, boys and girls, Harley Quinn -IS- jewish.

The elf smirks over at Kon, "Oh, you did ask. And it's not nice to ask a stranger a question, then have them answer it and call them a liar." He let out an uproarious, and dark sounding laugh then, it echoing through his less than jolly belly. "And he's always watching."

"Save yourself time on Yom Kippur then," Kon remarks, easy as can be. He looks back to the elf. "I was just making sure I understood you. And some people are naughty ever year, what makes this year different?"

The elf groans, "There's more and more of them. So being nice and hoping they get the hint hasn't worked. So Santa's deciding on trimming the tree." HE grins at Harley, "And naughtiness knows no religion."

Harley Quinn crosses her arms. "So lemme get this straight. You're saying Jolly Saint Nick likes to stalk, watch and have midgets kill jews for not being his idealism of good?" She pauses. "Elves are little nazis! Pervert nazis too!" She then pulls out a grenade from her belt. "Santa never got me any presents even before I went Looney Tunes, yknow. Because I'm JEWISH!" She then takes the grenade and shoves it in the elf's pants, looks at Kon. "I'd point out the distraction but I'm gonna run so I don't get blown up.." She runs to the window and jumps through it, then pops up and waves. "Bye!" Then runs away.

"What happened to coal? Killing people isn't really all that nice either," Superboy remarks, then double-takes as a live grenade is shoved down a little person's pants. Yet another elf's at the risk for whiplash as a few things happen all at once. Harley jumps out the window, and is caught by the displaced air of a young man+elf sized object passing at high velocity. He tears up into the skyline, shoving a hand down the elf's pants, finds what he sincerely hopes is the grenade, and throws it.

Said grenade is also joined by the elf's pants shooting up to the air, and the sounds of the boy sobbing, "Rudolph's gonna eat my brains!!" Echoing through the night as the Elf's body vanished to a smoldering cloud of what smelled like pixie dust as the grenade went off, the remains of his pants floating down towards the earth. Leaving Kon with the realization, perhaps, of why no one ever spent much time in Gotham.