2014-03-25 - The Awakening: ...The Image of Insanity...

Red Hood ends up showing atop a roof top where Deadpool is waiting. He crouches down low, staring across the street at the abondoned Chuck E Cheese building. "They ever had Chuck E Cheese in the East End? Hell, that's impressive, even if it did close." A pause, "In either case," the red helmeted man states, "You sure he's hiding out here? I can't afford for you to be wrong Deadpool."

Red Hood has been assisting in the investigation with information, but Deadpool has been in charge of finding the Joker.

Deadpool glances over at Red Hood, "Look, there's only so many abandoned gag factories, city boulevards with pun or naughty names, or abandoned temporary amusement parks a guy can hit before he lowers his standards. At this point, either he's left with going to Bludhaven or going to a place he's already used as his hideout. And I'm pretty sure he ain't desperate enough to go to Joisey."

At which point, a giant sledgehammer-type mallet - I mean one that size of a redwood tree trunk - swings down from the floor (of the roof) with a 'This end here' painted on the end of it at the two hero- er.... vigilan- er...... two nutcases looking to find a third nutcase. Truth be told, it should have been obvious when the two stepped on the big painted X on the rooftop.

Red Hood groans, "Did you even get a confirmed sighti..., ACK!" He is soon leaping back, actually more like falling back to avoid the trap from behind. He looks down where he joined Deadpool at the red X. "I swear Deadpool, if you set that trap yourself....," the threat obvious. Sadly, he can't automatically assume it was the Joker. This IS Deadpool we are talking about.

"Gail Simone?" Hood snorts, "Least it wasn't my mom, we have issues otherwise," he grumbles. But Hood then moves to stand up, "Well, looks like we found the place. Let's go kick ass of the hoodlums, and make sure he doesn't escape, alright?" He actually pulls something out from a sack at his waist. He tosses the sack away, but it's to be found to be a...bow and arrow and poster tube? Yes, it really is. He strings the bow, lances the poster tube on the arrow proper-like so it's like a trick arrow, and pulls back.

Hood aims for a window and shoots it, sending it flying through the window and further into the room for Joker and his goons to find. Painted red on the poster tube is: 'Thinking of You Mr. J.'

Awwwww...

Obviously, it's a trap. Inside the poster tube with white plastic ends however is a picture:



"Let's go," and the bow is left behind.

When the two of you break into the Chuck E Cheese, metal plates seal around the window you came in from. As well as any other surrounding windows. And the doors.

On the stage, lights come on, showing the Jamboree Bears Band. And they start playing a banjo tune, and another light on a Chuck E Cheese robot as well! And the song starts



Midway through the song, the bears turn their banjos at the two. And the ends of the banjos flips down, revealing gun muzzles - and start spraying at the two with machine gun fire, while Chuck E Cheese continues to sing about how 'Cheesy is funner.'

Deadpool calls out, "Look, if you want to be Mark Hamill that's fine but I demand you come out here with a giant laser penis and go chop chop chop with it." Deadpool zigs and zags to the side, firing out with his machine gun. "Because honestly I say this as someone who has watched all 99 episodes of Animaniacs this really sucks man."

Red Hood didn't expect it to be easy, though he raises an eyebrow beneath his red helmet at the Jamboree Bears Band. "Ah, f$^*." He is then diving to the side, twisting and turning behind broken tables and chairs as he tosses a gernade toward the mechanical players! He doesn't mind property damage, as long as he gets the Joker alive. "What's Animaniacs?!" He didn't exactly have time to watch television as a kid.

As the two not-quite-heroes-but-not-quite-as-bad-as-the-person-they're-hunting-depending-on-whom-you-talk-to get fired at by the robots, with Red Hood dodging and using tables as cover, while Deadpool just tries to dodge a little, and return fire a lot, he feels a dart or something hit him square in the back, which starts beeping.... then beeps faster and faster until.... *BOOM* And now there's a big hole blown into Deadpool's chest and midsection. When he falls over, a screen pops up. And it's the Joker's smiling face on the screen!

Joker says, "You know, I used to wear an outfit like that. It was more maitre'd than biker chic but ah.... you know... kids these days." He shrugs, then starts off his laugh. "HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!"

Deadpool glances down, "Dammit, I just got a bunch of tumors in there! I was going to try and cut them off and pose them up and see if I could use them for handpuppets and team them up with adorable little pouches. Also: Ouch." Deadpool slumps over, "Look man, this deathtrap sucks. I mean, between the Chuck E Cheese, robots.. Admit it. you're out of ideas. You're not funny."

Deadpool then tumbles over, a hole the isze of a cannonball in his chest.

Red Hood calls out after the second explosion of the animatronic robots blow up from the grenade, "Man, Deadpool saying you aren't funny? You really lost your touch Joker. And here I thought you at least enjoyed the last laugh. Pity, that was years ago, and honestly, it wasn't so funny then either," the biting tone states.

Hood then hisses at Deadpool, "Heal faster!" He's then on the move again, aware of his surroundings. It's not that enclosed here, but there are some back rooms, but there are plenty of places to hide between the games and the climbing tubes. That includes traps that could spring. He zig zags, watches where his feet go, and tumbles about with ease without losing his positioning about the room as he keeps a lookout for his target. "What, no friends Joker?! Going down in the world I see!"

Red Hood focuses on dodging out of the way of booby traps going off one after another, while Deadpool focuses on the floor where he's lying down.

The foot long hole in his chest focuses on being the best hole it can possibly be.

( Boom ) goes one explosive which Red Hood narrowly avoids. Then another! And then another. Then another machine gun pops out of the ceiling, held by another Chuck E cheese animatronic, singing a birthday song while firing down at him. "You know this really is fun for all ages! It's like a party! We can all have cake! Or pizza. That's what the kids are doing nowadays right? Pizza?"

And when Red Hood dodge behind one of the video games, he feels a prick as a syringe pops out from the 'Dr. Mario' game, complete with a spring and a cartoonish hand holding the syringe.

And that's when everything starts getting fuzzy..... then dark.... while Joker is laughing on the screen.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA."

When he wakes up, he's tied to a steel chair with handcuffs around his arms in another room downstairs from where he had been. Joker there, in the flesh, all dandied up in his purple suit. "Well now pumpkin, let's talk. Wakey wakey!" he says as he gives Red Hood a punch. Then shakes his hand since punching a guy with a very hard helmet hurts ones hand.

The thugs are all dressed up in outfits like they're working at Chuck E Cheese, with nametags. Bobo, Beppo, Bippo, Boffo, and Doug.

Deadpool is nowhere to be found. Though on the screen, it's shown that he is still up in the booby trapped room. Joker looks at the screen. "I've seen this show before." And shuts the monitor off, refocusing his attention on Red Hood.

There are a lot of things that goes through Red Hood's head. Like, oh joy, it isn't an explosive like Deadpool's! And then things are foggy..., 'oh joy, not laughing gas!' THUMP!

The next thoughts don't come up till he is coming too, and the punch to his helmet helps. Luckily it's booby trapped, so even Joker wouldn't want to remove it, not that Red Hood would expect him to try without the dramatic speech first. He snorts, and then coughs as he works to get the drugs out of his system. His dip in the Lazarus Pit only does so much for him, and his mouth feels like cotton. "Ugh...I smell bull shit."

The screen comes into focus right before it shuts off. Man, if Deadpool doesn't stop playing dead, Red Hood is really going to KILL HIM!!! Wait, he might enjoy that too much.

Red Hood makes a nasty sound from the back of his throat as he seems to clear it out. "I'd ask for water, but, kinda difficult to enjoy it right now," he states as he twists his wrist, taking to cover up the sound to test the bounds. Seriously, he captures Batman, hasn't he gotten around to getting better bounds by now?

"So, like my gift I sent in ahead? I thought I'd use it as a sort of 'calling card'. You know, I thought I'd be nicer than you and actually knock first. It's called taste and tact."

Yes, Red Hood is snarking at Joker.

Over downstairs, where there's just a body, something twitches. Something moves then, as the hole in Deadpool's torso finally starts to close then, and where was once just a hole in the belly, is now filled then with lower intestine and a spine. Deadpool rises up to his feet, and remains almost eerily quiet then as he goes to take out some C4, going to line the wall over with it then. Putting a few charges along the side of it, clicking over as he moves to chamber a round over to a gun, and closes his eyes, and he says, quietly, "It's not his time. It will never be his time. But we can inch the clock a little more towards it. That's enough for now."

Deadpool cocks back the hammer of his pistol, fires it over into the C4. The charge detonates, and Wade is charging through the wall, "Hey Cesar! Let's Dance!"

The Joker is busy gloating and laughing at Red Hood, though his attitude is sort of ticking him off. "You know... you new no name heroes are not nearly as much fun as Batsy. Tryin to be all edgy. Don't you have any respect for the craft! Funny man!" He points to himself. "Straight man!" He is about to punch Red Hood again, then stops before he hurts his hand on the helmet again... and punches him in the stomach instead. "Not that I'm saying you're straight. But if you aren't, not that anything's wrong with that!"

Yes, Joker is ripping off Seinfeld at Red Hood.

"So.... got any last words to say, or any little heroic tricks to spring on me before I end this little suaree?" he asks as he pulls out a gun with an exceptionally long barrel, which Jason might recognize as the type of gun Joker uses when he wants to take down police helicopters or the Batplane or rampaging elephants.

Annnnd that's when the wall explodes and Joker's thrown to the side, while the thugs all start firing their guns in confusion at the new hole in the wall.

Red Hood grunts when his stomach is punched, air going out of his lungs. No ribs broken though, so not a huge deal. And he kept his hands behind him barely, almost revealed he already got out of the cuffs! "Oh, I'm the new Batman."

BOOOOOM! And then, "Koolaid Man to the rescue?" Yep, Red Hood went there.

His swords slash through the bullets, and Deadpool chants, "Hey Cesar. We know how this ends. I've read ahead in the funny pages. You know how they all end? People laughing at you. Not with you. At you. You never get it. In the end you're just stuck in a cycle. And you're never going to get what you want. You're never going to break it. You're just as much stuck in it as I am. And everyone out there is just looking down and laughing at you. Whether you're Romero. Whether you're Nichalaus. Whether you're Hamill. Whether you're Ledger. You neve rwin no matter the actor. You're just another clown boy in teh funny pages like the Katzenjammer Kids. And you never ever come out ahead. You're just a walking punchline." Deadpool's katanas are flying, cutting through the bullets as they bite off chunks of him. "And permit me to laugh at someone even more pathetic, even more desperate, and even more stuck in a rut than me."

Joker is on the ground from the explosion. "And people say I'm nuts." he say as he shoots at Deadpool's head with his gun. When that doesn't bring him down, he aims a little higher at the statue suspended by the rope above Deadpool.... which comes down to squash him. His mind obviously NOT on the Red Hood's escape, given the person with the katana's who his goons are all firing at!

Red Hood rocks back on the chair, then lifts his feet and kicks out to Joker's chest HARD. The chair goes falling backwards, and Red Hood uses his gloved hands to catch himself on it, actually holding himself 'up' via the chair as the dust starts to settle. Now the question is, where are the goons? Ah well, Deadpool might handle them, or get squished.

As the goons all fire and the statue comes a tumbling, Deadpool teleports out of the way in a flash of light, "Look, Cesar, we know that you're a walking punchline. Just give the man a giant *WHAMMO* sign to clonk you over the head with it while the Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh music plays!"

Joker oofs as he was just getting up from the explosion, only to get kicked in the chest and back down he goes. "Owwwwwwwww." he groans. "Party pooper... no cake for you."

Then he yells, "HARLEY!"

One of his henchmen trying to kill the teleporting Deadpool says, "She left, remember boss?"

"BUD! LOU!" he yells, calling for the hyenas!

Another henchman says, as he's trying to hit Red Hood (and failing) "They're at the Bronx Zoo boss, Harley took 'em remember?"

Joker then yells, "DOUG!"

A third henchman says, "Yeah boss?"

Joker takes out a hand grenade, pulls the pin, and tosses it to him. "Hold this and run at them!" Then he tries to run away towards the hole in the wall.

And Red Hood can't believe he's saying this, "Deadpool, save the moron! I mean the minion!" And then he's running after Joker to...ah hell, screw this, he pulls out his gun - why didn't Joker disarm him earlier, seriously? - and aims to shoot Joker in the leg to slow him down so he doesn't have to tackle him. May as well make it easy on himself. He won't forget to disarm Joker.

Deadpool grumbles, "Hey, the arms.. Have it!" *No the arms are carrying a grenade. Don't use the non-specific indicator.* "All right, I stand corrected! Can I.." *No cutting off the limb. It makes Baby Batman cry.* "Stupid wuss." Deadpool charges forward,s going for a kick in the jimmies of the goon with the grenade.

Good question. Joker removed a bunch of little gadgets that were hidden in Red Hood's jacket. He even removed the knife. But the guns? No he sort of glossed over that. Because Joker's main arch-nemesis doesn't use guns! It didn't occur to him!

It occurs to the gunshot wound that appears in Joker's leg as he's shot though. "AUGH!" goes the Joker as he falls. "That's not funny! Gkk!"

Meanwhile, Deadpool grabs the grenade from 'Doug' the goon after he goes down with a kick to the bojangles, and now Deadpool has the hot potato instead! Which should be going off in the next second or two!

Deadpool calls out, "one potato! Two potato! Three potato!" *What comes after three?* "Stupid one liner." BOOM. Well, Deadpool is a mess. Again.

Yes, because heroes don't use guns! Well, actually they do, but not in Joker's eyes! Blind spot! Ah-ha!

In either case while the explosion goes off behind him, Red Hood walks toward the Joker with confidence. "Actually, didn't you get my knocker? The joke is on you." He then pulls his fist back and knocks out the Joker with one punch! Just like the old man...

...Afterwards, "F$^! I just did a Batman move!"

Another pause, "Hey, Deadpool, did you explode again? Minions! You better run for it, I'm not interested in you!" And that's Red Hood for you.

And in the end,

Joker is disARMED and captured,

Red Hood is ARMED and dangerous and holding the gun on the Clown Prince of Crime.

The goons are unARMED and injured. But not so injured that they do not take Red Hood's generous offer to get the heck out of there once they see their boss is down. Especially when said boss tosses grenades at THEM.

And Deadpool has no ARMS. And only part of his chest. And his leg's somewhere over by a shelf in the corner.

Joker groans, "You can't get good help nowadays...," while on the floor.

Article: GG: 2014-03-25 - Joker Kidnapped?