2013-12-22 - Reindeer Games

Some times the best gift ideas came to one when watching television late at night. Specifically in this case watching the claymation special of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Especially when watching it with Natasha who had never before seen it. America texted them both the next morning requesting a meeting and now she stands before them looking all serious-like for once with her hair pulled back into a ponytail and hands clasped behind her back. "So, you're both probably wondering why I called you here today..." She can't quite hold a serious expression on that, and cracks a smile. "I've got a mission for us. A small one, shouldn't take long. I have the perfect gift idea for Tony. Since he's our friend, and been bummed, he could use a good gift to cheer him up. Nat, you've got the resources we need for this. Clint, you've got the... you do have sleeping-dart arrows, right?" America peers at him knowing he likely did somewhere.

"We're going to Canada to get Tony a reindeer."

Natasha blinks. "A red-nosed one?" she asks earnestly. She, surprisingly, doesn't seem entirely unwilling to go along with this idea.

Clint is in his SHIELD combat gear. Black, purple, lots of arrows, kick-ass bow. He also has a cup of coffee that he's drinking out of a Captain America mug. "Sure I have sleeping- We're doing what??" he says and only his Avenger-y reflexes keeps the coffee cup from hitting the floor. "Like a real one?" he asks when the cup is stable again and he's shaking the hot coffee off his hand. He seems more curious than resistant to the idea.

"Pretty sure they don't actually have red noses, unfortunately, Nat," America offers over with a grin of amusement. It's Clint's reaction that gets the broader grin from her. "Yep. A real, honest to god reindeer. The lawn of the Avenger mansion's big enough to handle an animal of that size. Otherwise I know his address in Malibu. Think of it though," she begins swinging a hand out to gesture between them. "Let's face it, he buys everything he could ever want. This is something he's never thought of, won't expect, and at the very least ought to get a good laugh out of him. Plus. It's a reindeer."

Natasha furrows her brow. "Hmm. Well, I suppose we could." She does fairly well at hiding her disappointment over the lack of red noses. Maybe Pym can work something out. "And I agree. Tony will be amused. Or at least surprised."

Clint can't help but smirk as he takes a sip of his coffee and says as he lowers the cup "Well I don't have anything to do this afternoon. Plus I still owe Tony for all that good 'advice' he was giving out before thanksgiving. I'm in. So, I take it we're getting him one from the wild?"

America smiles faintly at the pair. Crossing her arms over her chest she gives a nod. "That's the plan. We could probably find one from a petting zoo or something, but the paperwork would take forever. Not to mention the cost. I /could/ cover it. Tony's worried my money might cause some kind of economic collapse though so I've been avoiding it out of respect to his wishes." It wasn't that much but he had a point. Her money wasn't technically from this world. "Good then, we're all in. Nat, can you have SHIELD figure out where a herd is in Canada? Or is that abuse of power?"

"Hm." Natasha tilts her head, thinking. "I am not sure they track reindeers. And I wouldn't want to recalibrate the satellites for this... we're doing too much active monitoring of HYDRA and AIM right now." She glances to Clint. "HYDRA is strangely active lately." Not mentioning the Statue incident, nope! Or Clint's entire tied up and captured moments.

"But I am pretty sure I can pull known territories... we should be able to find them easily enough once we get into the area." Just animals. How hard could it be?

"I'd offer to buy it, because I am still technically crazy-rich, but, my lawyers are telling me to be image conscious with my spending until we sort out the damages and the lawsuits and I don't think reindeer for rich guys fits under that category," Clint says with a small smile he finishes off the coffee and sets down the cup. "Yeah, noticed Nat," Clint says rubbing his chest where Strucker's blast had got him. Then reindeer, where to find reindeer "Don't the X-Men have a guy for this?"

America leans her shoulders back against the wall as she listens to the possibilities with a slow nod. "Mm. I don't know many of the X-Men besides Laura and Noriko. ... Not sure Noriko stuck with them any way. But, so long as we get a general location I can do a fly over to narrow it down. That should work."

Natasha pulls out her phone and types a bit, skimming the information, chewing at her lower lip. "I think I have an area where they should be located." She shows America. "We'll try here?"

Clint blinks and looks over at Nat. "There's a reindeer finding app now?" he says. "I really need to get a newer Starkphone," he says before he says to the ladies "So, how are we getting there?" America pushes off from her lean on the wall to regard the area pointed out on the map by Natasha. She nods slowly as she examines it with extreme care. It's only when Clint questions how they're getting there that she responds, "Air America." With a grin she stands again taking a deep breath and focusing. It doesn't take but a moment for a star to light up on the wall behind her. A bit less flashy and dramatic than she does at times but none-the-less effective. "I've been practicing in-dimension teleporting."

Natasha rolls her eyes. "No, it is a map on the internets of feeding grounds for these reindeers." And she considers. "...you think Tony will notice if we borrow the Quinjet?" Not that she doesn't trust the whole teleporting.... thing.

Clint shakes his head "Quinjet? No way am I flying in that thing with a reindeer in the back, also, think of the droppings, /so/ not cleaning that." He grins when America makes the star appear. "Phew, and here I thought I was going to get re-acquainted with the Amazon Carry," he comes to stand next to America in front of the star. "Coming Nat?" he asks looking back over his shoulder.

"The Quinjet could work, and it'll be knocked out I hope," America points out to Clint. She waits for Natasha's OK, though, before opening up the portal completely. "Otherwise I can just carry through and drop it off real quick. I'm pretty sure Tony doesn't have anything that can stop my method of arrival at the mansion."

Natasha has dealt with worse. Not that she is particularily thrilled with the idea of this mode of travel, for varying reasons--most of them the directions her stomach feels pulled in. ...oh, and what happened the /last/ time she (remembers) stepping through one of these.

Still. She's the Black Widow, and ain't nobody got time for hesistation. She holds up a finger. "Snow. We need warmer clothing. Hold that portal." And she ducks out of the room for a moment, glad for how well stocked Tony keeps the Avenger Academy's gear... she returns, her arms full of thick, warm winter coats relatively sized for each of them, three pairs of Starktech snowshoes and boots, and gloves-- thin but warm. She drops the gear, grabbing 'her' coat, gloves, and boots, sliding them all on over her bodysuit. She looks at them with a somewhat amused look.

"Russian, remember? You do not disrespect the cold. It kills."

The she takes a breath and steps through the portal.

Clint unslings his quiver and throws on the coat and the gloves before pulling his weapons back on over top of it. "Thanks Mom," he says as he tucks the snowshoes under his arm and heads for the portal. When the wave of cold hits he makes a face "Didn't open this to Jotunheim did you?" he jokes to America before jumping through the portal. Clearly, he's not that worried.

America looks bemused when the warm clothes are dragged out. Picking up a coat of her own it's pulled on, and she gets the gloves, and yes even the snowshoes on. "Good point. I usually don't have time to prepare when going somewhere cold. Usually fighting keeps me warm, too." In this case there would be none. She pulls the gloves tight, and turns to the portal smirking at Clint. "Funny. I know where you sleep," she shoots back in mock-threat before stepping through herself.

It was a beautiful sight: Snow driven mountains in the distance, the white fluffy snow falling lightly from the sky, and a blanket of snow already over the main area. Down in a small valley-like dip amidst trees and shrubs sticking out of the otherwise empty area were a herd of... something... moving along. America tugs the collar of her coat up a bit higher as she moves to the side taking a few testing steps in her snowshoes. "Huh. Looks like we got lucky already."

A light dusting of snow continues to fall, and Natasha pulls on the snow shoes over her boots, her breath frosting. She peers in the direction America is pointing. "Da. This will be easier than we thought." If anything, the woman looks almost cheerful out in the cold weather. She scoops up a handful of snow and throws it at Clint, then lightly hops in her snowshoes over behind America, grinning.

"So do I, that's how I go to bed," Clint counters looking back at America. Naturally he steps down deep into a snow bank and lands face first in the snow. "Yep, this is typical," he says as he extricates himself from the snow and starts pulling on his snowshoes.

He glances down the valley at the whatever those are "So, that's what we're after?" Clint asks looking at the ladies for confirmation.

America grins when Natasha playfully thows a snowball at Clint which seems to whiz right over his head as he faceplants into the snowbank entirely. An eyebrow raises at the Russian as she remarks simply, "I don't know, chica, think he could handle us both?" Of course she meant in a snowball fight. Of course.

Glancing back down the hill she shrugs, "Have to get a closer look but probably. I do know you don't want to get in between a baby and it's mother though. Just FYI. Let's get a closer look." So saying she trudges carefully past Clint in her own snowshoes... and dumps a loose handfull of snow on him.

A short, girlish giggle escapes Nat's lips, cut short quickly. "Nyet. We could take him." Oblivious. Phrasing. And another snowball is pelted towards Clint, before she turns towards the herd, taking a couple steps in that direction.

"Definitely," Clint answers with a grin for the ladies before he's hit by snow, hit by snow twice! He shakes off some of it from his hair, and grabs a snow ball to throw back, one, two, aimed for each of them. "Also, phrasing, Rica, phrasing." He says as he gets to his feet and starts to follow. "Closer look, sure."

America oofs when she gets smacked in the back of the head by a snowball. It didn't really hurt, but it hit, and she casts a grin over her shoulder at him with an eyebrow raised as he chides her over wording. "Yeah we could take you that way, too," she points out with a mischevious grin. Tucking her hands into her pockets she sets out trudging down after Natasha, though. She skids partially down the incline until catching herself with a quiet mutter and a quick look toward the herd below to ensure she hadn't scared them. So far so good.

Natasha gets pegged in the back of the head as well, and she whips around, white snow intermixed with the red of her hair. Surprisingly, perhaps, she looks more amused than anything else. "Is this how it will be, then?" she asks, bending down and scooping up another handful, packing it and hurling it at the archer. She laughs, heading down the incline at an angle lightly, at home in the snowshoes. She looks back over towards the herd, closer now, where they can make out individual animals.

"Those are not reindeer," she says. "That is moose."

"I'm hearing a lot of talk-" thump. He catches Natasha's snow ball in the face. He spits out the snow and shakes his head. "Probably for the best," he mutters to himself as he trudged on after the ladies only to smirk when Natasha makes her remark. "And, squirrel?" he asks in a bad Russian accent.

America looks between the two with confusion at the reference. For someone who didn't grow up on cartoons it was an easy over-her-head kind of thing. "We're not here for squirrels." An eyebrow lifts and she glances back toward the grouping while sinking down to peer from behind a scragly bush. Somehow it just seemed as if hiding were the thing to do.

Obliviously, Natasha looks back to Clint curiously. "I do not see any squirrels, but perhaps if we get closer." She considers. "And yes, much talk. We can show you action, if you would prefer." She grins, making another snowball, glancing to America. "We take him together?"

"Really? Nobody but me has seen Rocky and Bullwinkle, talk about a wasted opportunity," Clint says with a shake of his head but when America goes for cover he shakes his head at Nat. "Seems like it's stealth time, you guys can 'take me' later," he says moving to join America behind cover. "So, what now?" he asks.

"I was busy being a little princess growing up." This comes from America with a smirk. Was she joking? Probably. When Natasha suggests the snowball fight again there's an obvious consideration that flits over her face before she lets out a sigh. One thing at a time. "Later," she assures Natasha. A shrug is given in response to Clint. "Change of plans. We can go for a..." Her face contorts as she debates even saying it. It was too bad, too wrong, too... perfect. "A 'Christ-moose' gift instead."

Natasha slides behind some snow-covered brush of her own, snorting slightly at America's comment. "Christmoose?"

"A princess? No wonder you and Kate get along in that other dimension," Clint says taking that as figurative rather than literal. "And really?" he asks smirking at America. "Christmoose?" he shakes his head and gives her a soft elbow to the ribs. "Okay, so do we know which," pained expression. "Christmoose we want?"

"Haha. No way, Kate's the complete princess." America purses her lips with consideration as she looks over the herd. "Probably go for a straggler on the sidelines. That's not going to be a major loss to the herd, and... Either this or we keep hiking looking for reindeer." Lifting a hand she gestures at one that was currently trudging along chewing here and there on some shrugs. "How about that one? It's got a nice rack."

And Natasha furrows a brow, finally asking the question they probably should have considered before... you know... coming to find moose. Or reindeer. Whatever.

"How do we catch it?"

Clint smirks. "True," he says about Kate before he snorts a laugh. "Well Tony does like a nice rack," he agrees before he gets to the business of catching one. "Well, I have tranq arrows, also, net arrows and knockout gas, also America here flies and is ridiculously strong. So, we hit it with a tranq arrow, daze it a bit, then fly it through a portal?"

America gestures aside to Clint when he suggests that. "That's the plan. You've got the tranq arrows. I do the pick up. We head back and make the delivery. Simple, sweet, and we should be home in time for dinner." ... Is a phrase which never ends well.

Natasha nods. "Sounds easy enough. Everything should go quickly and smoothly." Yep, adding to waving the red flag at the universe.

Clint rises from cover "No problem," he says and draws an arrow from the quiver on his back. He sets it on the string and pulls it back to his ear. "Sorry buddy," he says to the moose before letting the arrow fly. It hits the moose just as he planned, the wound's not deep but the arrow's in and putting the sleep toxin into his system. Of course the moose isn't going down and he lets out a bellow, to which the other moose respond in kind. "Uh, does this look bad to anyone else?"

"... Humans probably don't require as much sleep crap, huh?" THAT thought crosses America's mind as it's obvious the moose is NOT going down or getting sluggish aaaaand all of the herd start to stamp and turn and ... America stands from her cover as well taking a step back oddly with the snow shoes on. "Mierda. NOT my best idea!"

"Bozhe moy..." Natasha stands, stepping back. "Run." She says, oddly calm. "They are herd creatures. They will run. We must make it to the trees..." she begins moving as quickly as her shoes will allow, "and up into them."

Clint doesn't need to be told, he's already running, or preparing to run anyhow, he pulls out another arrow and lets fly. This one is an explosive arrow bursting over the heads of the onrushing moose. "Yeah, not working!" he shouts as he starts to stumble after America. "So... about that Amazon carry."

America starts to run, tripping and stumbling over the snowshoes with a curse beneath her breath in spanish. When he lets the other arrow fly the sound of moose running just worsens. It becomes a trampling stampede as they turn from angry to terrified and race up the hill toward the trio. Another stumbling step comes and she just shakes her head--this was NOT going to work. "Hang on!" she yells out as she reaches out to grab Clint around the waist with her arm taking into flight aiming for Natasha to do the same on the other side. Trees though, that she listens to, as she heads for the thicker, older trees that could hold onto them some.

Natasha oofs as America grabs her,

Natasha oofs as America grabs her, but takes advantage of the lift to look over her shoulder at the stampeding moose. Mooses. Meece. Whatever. "Perhaps that was a bad idea," she deadpans. "In hindsight." She prepares to grab onto a tree as soon as America gets them to a good perch.

Clint grabs hold of a tree when they get there and pulls himself up into the branches. "No argument here Nat," Clint agrees. "So, what do we do now? Wait them out?"

America slows at the tree allowing the pair to grab and get a good handhold before releasing them. She sinks down to sit on a limb herself with legs dangling off, and one arm wrapping around the trunk to look down regarding the stampede below. "Yeah sounds like a plan. I need a solid surface to port on and that's not going to happen with a tree this size. Guess we needed a stronger tranq."

Natasha stands on her branch, holding on to a higher branch to help with balance. She peers off over the herd, sighing. "So, no moose for Tony?" She considers. "...can we just get him a stuffed one? Less stampedes."

"Yeah, could have hit him with two but didn't want to over dose him either," Clint says with a shrug as he puts his bow away. "Anyhow, we survived, and really, the view is pretty great up here," he says nodding out at the snow scape beneath them.

"Eeeh. I don't think Tony's a plushie kind of guy. Maybe an actual stuffed one though? They do that here, right? The weird 'stuff a dead animal' thing but that wouldn't quite be Tony's style." America shrugs slightly. "So... Petting zoo idea?"

"No, no." Natasha smirks. "Large stuffed reindeer, with a red nose. I am sure there is a toy store back in Manhattan. It will be wonderful. He will like it--Tony is strange." She shrugs. "Plus, he will appreciate it better than what I got him."

"Petting zoo sounds good," Clint says "Or the stuffed Rudolf. Which was on last night, did you guys catch it?" he asks before he looks over at Nat. "What'd you get him?"

"Yeah, that'll work. Giant stuffed reindeer from FAO Schwartz or something." America agrees. When Hawkeye asks about the special she nods, "Yeah, Natasha hadn't seen it before. We watched it at her place." And drank. A bit.

"It was good movie. Also watched one about Charles Brown." Natasha nods slightly as she continues to watch the stampede peter out. "He did not like the aluminum christmas trees." She glances back to Clint. "I got him a self-help book. 'How To Not Ruin Your Relationship With Your Significant Other Once They've Returned From The Dead'. I felt it may be useful."

Clint snorts "Charles Brown," he smiles. "That /almost/ funny enough not to be concerned about what you two got to talking about in regards to yours truely," he says before he blinks. "There's actually a book about that, I know there's glad you're back from the dead cards, but self-help books? Huh."

"You kidding? That isn't exactly a topic that doesn't come up often in our world. Just ask Cap," America points out while glancing down. The stampede was thinning, and thankfully most were almost gone at this point. A little kick of her feet comes as she sighs. "Think we're okay now. And yeah, Charlie Brown. I hadn't seen that one myself."

"What makes you think we discuss you?" Natasha asks coolly. "We watched these specials and drank vodka. Also, had cookies. They had sprinkles on them." She nods once, sharply. She could be lying, of course. It's Natasha. But she could also be incredibly truthful. They could have talked about other idiot men they know. Like Tony. Or Pete.

"Charlie Brown Christmas is a classic," Clint agrees as he glances down past his feet to the thinning stampede. "Anyhow, I always assume you two talk about me, I'm modest like that," he says. "So, lets say we get down from here and go Reindeer shopping?"

"No, we talked about guys who are overly emotional and a bad screw," America states while she shifts to start climbing down the tree. Needless as she could just drop down but sometimes one just reacted instead of thinking about it. "Back to New York, and a big stuffed toy for Tony."

"Reindeer shopping. FAO Schwartz." Natasha nods. "Very large deer. With a red nose," she insists on the last part, before acrobatically dropping to grab the branch she was standing on with her hands, then dropping to the ground lightly. ...until she tumbles into the snowdrift. Even supersoldiers aren't perfect.

"Huh, definitely not me, but sorry I asked," Clint says as he drives an arrow into the tree and starts hooking up the cord to a pully on his belt. He drops down, using the cord to slow his decent then, offers a hand up to Nat. "And yes, the shiniest of noses."

"Uh-huh." America decides to just shut up there about it. There were certain things that just were too much information... and she lands on her feet wobbling if only because of the snow shoes. "Right. One ticket home we go," she agrees as the star lights up beneath them and she stamps her foot down causing a dusting of snow to pour through. "... Not cleaning that up."

A extradimensional trip to a large toy store, several beers, and a couple hours later, sitting in the foyer of the Avengers Mansion is a larger-than-lifesized plush Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer with a giant bow around its neck. Attached is a note that decrees "To Tony. Merry Christmas! We tried to get you a moose, but we could not find a matching squirrel. Also, did you know they stampede if you make them mad? Anyways, Happy Holidays, Stark. love always, Hawkeye, Black Widow, and Miss America." Underneath the plush is a neatly wrapped book, with a tag saying "PS, we think you might need this."