2012-10-24 - Attack of the Giant Robot Gorilla

It's a pleasant day in Metropolis. The children are playing. The birds are chirping. The giant robotic ape is scaling the side of the Daily Planet. On the end of its titanium enforced 20 foot long arm, in it's huge hand, is Jimmy Olsen. In a dress with a wig.

Oh Jimmy, what have you gotten yourself into this time?

Flashback:

Jimmy's in the Daily Planet offices, where Clark is working on a story, when Perry yells for Jimmy, "JIMMY! KENT! There's news of some sort of giant robot in downtown Metropolis! Go earn your paychecks and get down there. I'd have Lois go but she's doing that terrorist piece in France! GO GOGOGO!"

There's a pause from Jimmy, "But.." He hasn't even had his lunch yet! He sighs, and goes to get his camera, looking over at Clark and quickly putting down his mega scaled Man-Wich. Which, by the time he gets back, Perry will have eaten so as to 'not let it go to waste' no doubt.

Clark leaves Perry's office without a word and once he and Jimmy are outside, he snaps his fingers as if he forgot something. "Jimmy, go ahead and leave without me. I'll meet you there." He tries to think of an excuse and then exclaims, "Ohh. Oh, I think I had some bad fish for lunch. I'll be awhile, but you go ahead and get there. Make sure you get some good pics." And without another word, he rushes towards the bathrooms.

Jimmy Olsen glances over at Clark, "But I thought you had Mexican!" Poor Clark! This is what happens when Lois is out of town. The man hasn't gotten nay cooking skills (or so Jimmy thinks) beyond ordering pizza. He gives a wave, then goes over to check his ticket stubs to hail a cab to head to the scene of the crime.

When Jimmy gets downtown, true enough, there's a giant mechanized robot, looking straight out of King Kong. It keeps walking forward towards the LexCorp towers, occasionally stopping to roar and pound its mechanized chest. It picks up one woman who screams, makes a face at the brunette woman, then drops her. Fortunately, she hits an awning instead of the pavement. Walking forward again, it sees the Daily Planet in the distance, and goes "Unga...." and starts over towards it instead. It picks up yet another woman, this time a redhead, and gets angry as the woman starts hitting his finger.... and throws her! Oh no, the woman is surely doomed when she hits the ground unless....!!!

Faster than a speeding bullet...there is a streak of red and blue and the woman is plucked out of the air just before she hits the ground. She's placed about a block away as Superman smiles that smile of his. Then, he's gone again, flying high above the creature to access the situation, and figure out how to take this thing out without endangering any of the civilians. He frowns, "Wonder who set this thing loose?" He murmurs to himself.

Jimmy Olsen takes a beautiful picture of the woman being caught in the air by Superman, then as he zooms away to set her down. Jimmy is over to the side, getting shots then over, "Gee, Clark is missing all the fun! I hope that burrito didn't go down the wrong way." Jimmy takes more pictures of the robot, his camera flashing. Gee, that looks familiar for some reason..

Yes, it's Superman to the rescue - catching the woman quickly and setting her down out of danger, then up, up and away, he's in the air again. And on queue, the SCU brings out some of its tanks to start firing at the mechanized monstrosity. Despite the fact that its clearly not hurting the 'beast,' it puts up its arms as if the lasers and mortars are. When Jimmy takes a picture, it gets even more enraged for some reason. Almost like it's acting out a scene as it starts towards the Daily Planet again, picking up yet another woman, sniffing the screaming damsel, then tossing her as well! Looks like the Man of Steel might be having his hands full with all the flying damsels in distress today!

Superman groans slightly as he zips over to catch yet another woman that gets tossed by the oversized gorilla. After placing her out of danger, he then moves to float in front of the metal monkey. "Hey. What is it that you want here? Who sent you?" Who knows, maybe it's intelligent and can be reasoned with?

Jimmy instinctively ducks over as the laser beams fire past, and he muses, "Wow! Gadzooks, that giant gorilla is laying a smashing on the uptown downtown!" He takes more pictures. "It seems to be looking for someone specific! And it's getting angry when it doesn't find them! Golly gee willickers! Only Superman can save those poor girls!"

Robot Kong pauses to look at the last son of Krypton, as if it's going to answer! Then instead swats at Superman with its giant hand while the Man of Steel is not yet prepared for it! In addition to being huge, this bionic beast (okay robotic, but bionic sounds better) is STRONG as well! It then picks up another girl and throws her as well! Then spots Jimmy as he takes more pictures, and a giant hand reaches down to grab Jimmy as well! Oh no, looks like Jimmy's about to take a flight.

But no, the automaton ape sniffs Jimmy, then nods for some reason and reaches down to a transvestite on the corner of a street. He/She screams! But the Robo Kong only pulls off a fake blonde wig... and puts it on Jimmy's head.

Which causes the transvestite to get angry. "What does HE have that I don't have huh? What I'm not LADY ENOUGH for you, you big dumb no taste ape?"

As a result of this, the ape looks down at the trannie.... and uses its finger to flick her/him into the air as well!

Oh no! Jimmy's been grabbed over by the giant magilla! And still has his camera, which by now is clicking and taking pictures on automatic as Jimmy flails, somehow ending up with the blonde wig stuck over to his face, yelping "This is just the same as last Tuesday!" And Kara -always- thinks that Kal is /joking/ when he tells these stories!

Jimmy flails, trying to hit at the giant thumb that hodls him, "Golly gee gawrsh, let me down you danged dirty ape!"

Superman is hit and is knocked into the side of a building. But he doesn't stay there long. Utilizing his speed he snatches the first woman and then the trannie from the air seconds before they impact the ground. Placing them out of harm's way, he takes a breath and looks back towards the gorilla. Spotting Jimmy in it's clutches, he facepalms briefly. "This is not happening."

The appropriate word that's been left out is 'again'. The Planet's uptown competitor will headline thier front page article on the incident with a romantic styled picture of Superman and the very obvious man in a dress being saved.

Jimmy is, of course, exxagerating. This has never happened to him before. He's has a cyborg robot grab him, and a regular supersized gorilla grab him, but never a total robot gorilla grab him. Jimmy Olsen. Such a drama queen. Speaking of which...

Robo Kong keeps lumbering along, as the tanks keep firing at it and every so often, another woman is sent flying for Superman to catch. It then stops at a Van Dyne Fashion Store building, and smashes its hand into the ceiling, causing people inside to flee for their lives. It pulls out its hand, holding a white dress. It then shoves it at Jimmy, and roars at him. As if to say 'put it on!'

In total fairness, he's been kidnapped by regular giant alien gorillas with six arms too. Then again, that's not even touching on the time he had to team up with the Legion of Substitute Heroes. Which even Jimmy felt was odd.

Jimmy lets out a howl as he ends up over in a blonde with, a dress, a set of matching fishnets and lingerie then as he's spun around, ending up over in the hand as he quickly and speedily puts it on before he's crushed.

Superman frowns at the scene before him. "That dude's luck with gorillas is just uncanny." He comments to himself as he flies for Robo Kong and attempts to take him out at the knees by flying into it at superspeed.

Superman is about to take out the gorilla's legs at superspeed, but is stopped by... yes, a force field! It must be a pretty powerful force field to withstand a hit from the Man of Steel - although Superman can see that his impact caused a temporary lose of movement to the rest of the mechanical beast - obviously the power source is not infinite, and to withstand such a mighty impact, it has to siphon power from other areas, like mobility!

Robo Kong then starts climbing up the nearest building, carrying Jimmy "Faye Raye" Olsen in his hand, looking lovingly at his damsel in distress. Up.... up.... up the Daily Planet. Well at least Perry will see that Jimmy has an excuse for not being back with photos yet.

Inside the Daily Planet, Perry grumbles though. "He's that close and he's not taking pictures? He'll never be a real newsman at this rate!"

The SCU starts bringing in more tanks to surround the building, and even radios to call in some air support! Along with a Daily Planet Helicopter, with the the GGG Helicopter and Cat Grant, who does work for the G. Gordon Godfrey show as well as being the Planet's gossip columnist. "Are you getting this picture?" she yells to the cameraman. "Yes, Gordon, it seems like the giant gorilla has a hostage! Some blonde girl and... see if you can get a closer view of who she is?" She then pauses. "Oh for crying out loud" she says as she recognizes Jimmy.

And that, dear readers, brings us back to where we first spotted Jimmy.

End Flashback, Back to Current:

Jimmy Olsen lets out a yelp then, in his rather nice chiffon dress and rather ill fitting wig, but nice stockings, "Gose golly darn it! Gee whiz, let me go you dang dirty ape!" Poor Jimmy. No pictures, being kidnapped by a giant mechanical magilla gorilla, and ending up as the news story, rather than the reporter. And of course, the shaking from the blow of Superman has him bouncing a bout in a half provocative.. No, that's the hair. Why did it have to be a beehive?

Superman goes up and away and then hovers in the air. "Okay, so the direct approach won't work. Hmm." For the moment, he gives the situation some thought as the monkey went to climb the building.

Robo Kong roars a mighty roar and as it holds onto Jimmy in one hand. Then in comes the air support! Robo Kong puts Jimmy down on the top of the Globe and starts swatting at the attacking planes!

Okay, someone has to have seen this coming. It seems way too staged.

It actually manages to hit and rip off the wing of one of the planes. The pilot ejects, but the plane is about to head into another building! Meanwhile, Cat directs the helicopter pilot to get a closer shot. "Get a close up of this!" And the helicopter pilot reluctantly does so .... and gets hit by one of the plane's wings that Robo Kong throws, damaging the rear tail of the Helicopter. The helicopter starts spinning out of control, Cat Grant screaming in the pilot's ear. Not her finest moment.

Jimmy Olsen pauses, "Hey, that's not nice!" Jimmy tries to get Robo-Kong to stop, "You're putting peoples lives at risk with what you're doing! NOt to mentio all that money they spent on the planes! You could hurt someone down on the street below from debris!" Jimmy plays the part of the damsel, trying to talk Mega-Kong out of his rampage.

Superman streaks into action when the planes get damaged. He catches the first one and places it on top of a nearby building, then immediately rescues Cat Grant and her pilot by placing the helicopter on the roof of another building. Using the comlink he carries for the Justice League, he quickly taps into the military and police frequencies. "This is Superman. Withdraw all of your forces out of the immediate area. I repeat, withdraw. I'll take care of this."

If it was any other costumed hero, the SCU would not withdraw. But Superman - he has a special place in the hearts of the special police of Metropolis. The remaining planes withdraw from the area and, while the tanks don't leave, they do back away for a 1 block radius. Just in case this turns out to be too much for Metropolis's favorite hero. When Superman talks, people listen.

Meanwhile, Cat Grant, flustered from her near death experience, waves at Superman and then looks at the Cameraman and pilot, straightening her hair. "Well don't just stand there, keep filming!"

Cat looks at the camera, "Gordon, it looks like Superman is going to try something to save the... er... female hostage ... from this giant monkey!"

The cameraman says "Gorilla."

Cat Grant snaps back, "Whatever. Cut!"

She says, motioning her hand across her throat, then lambasts the cameraman, "Don't correct me on camera, geez!"

The cameraman says, "Um we were live, you don't have to yell 'cut'"

Jimmy flails then as he sees the police helicopters going off, "You, shoo!" He ponits up at the mecha gorilla, "Haven't you caused enough of a ruckus for one day?" Jimmy makes waving motions then, trying to urge the mechanical gorilla to head back towarsd it's natural habitat.. Uhm.. Whatever that is!

Superman says, "You've had your fun, Gorilla. Now it's time to put the wo..er..Jimmy down." And to give the Gorilla some incentive, he begins an assault on the large ape. Aiming thunderous blow after blow, allowing himself to use the upper limits of his strength..since it was a construct and not flesh and blood."

With Jimmy no longer in the beast's clutches, Superman starts going all out on it! The first hit is protected by the force field, but the hand holding onto the building loosens as its power reserves are not limitless. The second - even more powerful And Superman does get through the force field, causing parts of the Robo Kong's arm to start flying all over the place! The hand loosens more. And then the third and final thunderous blow, bashing half of the robo gorilla's face! And with that, the power reserves are entirely depleted, not to mention the massive damage Robo Kong incurs! It falls from the building towards the ground below, where fortunately Superman had people clear away from moments earlier.

Is that music playing? Is there someone playing a soundtrack to this? It's all sad music too. Sad Orchestra music. Like from an old movie!

Jimmy winces as Superman goes to town over on the giant gorilla, "Oh no, this is going to be ruinuous to uptown!" Not like the Planet's globe isn't torn off it's mantle a good two, three times a week. He can only watch in anguish as the robotic gorilla was mashed, smashed, and seemingly crashed as it was bashed about!

Superman blurs from sight for a moment and appears on the ground to catch the large bulk of the gorilla before it hits the ground. He speaks into the com. "The..uh..gorilla has been neutralized. It's safe come back in." He then goes up to get Jimmy and personally escourt him back inside the planet. "I have just one question for you, Jim." The Man of Steel asks, "How do you keep getting into these situations? Is there a family curse..or what?"

Jimmy Olsen glances over at Superman and shrugs his shoulders, Superman carrying (still in full dress, hose, wig, and other accessories) back on down, "Uhm, I don't know. My dad always said my uncle had something to do with a beanie and him being the inspiration for Jughead or something."

Don't ask Superman. Don't ask.

As Superman catches the Robo Gorilla so it doesn't cause more damage upon hitting the ground, then flies up to get Jimmy, the music stops playing and a little metal sphere flies into the area between Superman and Jimmy. "You were supposed to let it fall! You ruined the entire scene!"

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9my91t5ht1rp6d85o1_500.jp

It turns to Jimmy. "You, babe. You were marvellous. Except that little speech at the end, but we'll clean that up in editting." It turns back to Superman, "But you, Mister. You'll never work in this town again!"

Jimmy Olsen just looks over at Superman, and the flying metal sphere, and can only let out a whimper then over as his first thought comes out, "... The Great Gazoo?" Glancing over at the metal sphere then over to look at Superman, "But he works for free! He's a hero." Jimmy tries to defend Superman.

 Superman says, "What the fu."

Superman reaches out and attempts to catch the metal ball in his hand. He begins to squeeze. "GO. Away." He speaks clearly and slowly. "What is this thing, Jimmy?"

There's a confused look over from Jimmy at the ball and radio helmet, "That looks like something out of The Jetsons or Buck Rogers.."

The sphere says, "No, you silly thing. You may call me The Silver Screener! And I'll have my people call your people. We'll do lunch." It again turns to Superman. If a little metal sphere could look ticked off, this little metal sphere would be quite ticked off looking! Then it gets caught by the Man of Steel, "You big galoot! You troglodyte, do you not know the sanctity of the film? I'll sue! I'll make sure you can't get a job in a laxative commercial!"

"You'll be ruined in this town! You hear me! I said you'll never work in this town agai-" *CRUNCH!*

Superman crushes it in his grip and tosses the wreckage over his shoulder. He then floats into the air. "Try to stay out of trouble for awhile this time, okay, Jimmy?" And with that he's gone.

Jimmy also ums, "But the only 'people' I have is Perry.." Then looks over as the metallic ball was crushed, he nods up at Superman, "Of course. I'm just hopeful that Lois is okay.." This sort of thing tends to happen to her a lot too. "And gawrsh golly, I hope that Miss Grant's hair is all right. Whenever she has to go up in the helicopter it gets all frizzy."

And that's a wrap.

The End.

... Or is it? *dun dun dunnnnn*